Birth During Covid-19

I know there are a lot of pregnant people out there who are really worried about giving birth during the pandemic. I want to say to those people that you are right to be concerned. And, still, you can do this. You’ll be ok. I am a rabbi and a doula, specializing in bringing Jewish spirituality and practice into the birth experience. For some, just focusing on getting that baby out is enough. If that’s you, feel free to stop reading right here a grab a virgin margarita. But if you think engaging with some spiritual practice might help, read on.

When I was giving birth (pre-pandemic), I found myself reaching out for Jewish music, poems, liturgy as a comfort and as a way to ground myself. Every hospital and birthing place right now comes with its own rules, but for the majority one can only bring along one support person. This might be a partner, a family member, or a doula. Some people even have to give birth alone. In many cases, your medical support team will be reduced during this time. So, you might be looking for company and guidance. Jewish sources can provide some of that! So much of birth prep is about forging a connection between mind and body. The following tips add a spiritual dimension so that you can prepare for the birth you want, and have the tools to keep focused and grounded no matter what happens in the moment. Wishing you a wonderful, meaningful, empowering birth experience!

Here are some concrete ideas:

1. Find a spiritual focal point: During labor/birth, people often choose a point to focus on. This could be something visual (a piece of art or an object of significance). It helps focus the mind, helps you get control of your breath, and anchors you as you move through the sensations of labor. For me, I chose birth art by the Jewish feminist artist Judy Chicago as my focal point (I printed out/photocopied some images in advance and had them in my birth bag). It let me concentrate on something outside myself and connected me with my tradition and the many women in my culture who have come before me.

2. .Create a sheet of blessings, prayers, psalms, affirmations that are spiritually significant to you. Part of what I offer my clients is sources for these blessings and affirmations, but you can collect these yourself as well. Traditional examples include Psalm 126, associated with birth due to the verse “Those who sow in tears will reap in joy.” Psalm 118 which begins “Out of the narrow place I called upon God, who answered me in spaciousness” has been paraphrased in Yiddish and recast as a tkhine [prayer or devotion for Jewish women] for childbirth. I also chose affirmations like “I can do this; my body knows what to do.” You can do a little reading, find some blessings or affirmations that work for you, and have your partner/birthing coach practice saying some of them so that they can offer these to you when needed. You may wish to create signs or posters of some of them to hang up in the birthing room/space.

3. Find a song from your culture that you find beautiful and meaningful. I used “The Whole World is a Narrow Bridge” or, in Hebrew, “Kol Ha’olam Kulo Gesher Tsar Me’od.” Have this easily accessible on your phone and the phone of your partner/birth coach. Perhaps create a playlist of several such songs.

4. Practice visualizations in pregnancy that you can use in labour. These visualizations have to do with the cultural values you hope to instil in the child being born. There is a Jewish midrash (story) that babies learn Torah (bible) in the womb. Create a visualization around this or any other image.

5. Send love out. One Jewish tradition I really love is to use the time when you are in labor to send blessings or thoughts of healing to others. It can be easy to focus on the sensations you’re experiencing, but it might help to focus outwards. In Judaism, when we extend such a blessing, we usually name the person and that person’s mother. Motherhood/parenthood is about becoming a life-long caregiver and so the practice begins during labor when you extend thoughts or prayers or healing vibes to someone else. Some pregnant people create a list of those who need healing to bring into their birth room. Especially now, this might be a powerful way of connecting with others outside you.

Remember the strength and power of the Jewish matriarchs, all of whose birth stories we know from traditional text. Think of the many matriarchs who all went through labor to bear not only their own children, but our people. You can do this.

When someone is pregnant we wish them “b’sha’ah tovah” meaning may the baby come at a good time. You might be feeling like this is not, in fact, a great time to be having a baby. But consider the hope new life provides when there is sickness and suffering. Every birth is a blessing, including yours. Every birthing person is a hero, especially now.

If you want help creating a Jewish-inspired birth plan, feel free to reach out. And remember, you can do this. Your body knows what to do.

Unplugging - Jewish style

As you read this I’ll just be returning from a brief vacation to somewhere sunny. I tend to work really hard, tire myself out, and then need a few days of lounging around in the sun to recover. It occurs to me this time that perhaps this isn’t the best way of living life.

Are you like this? Do you tire yourself out with family responsibilities, work, social obligations, until you simply can’t continue and that’s when you take a break or a holiday?

I was thinking about something similar at the last Rabbis Without Borders retreat I attended. The very term “retreat” makes it seem like our normal lives are something from which we must flee. Surely the point of the gathering was to strengthen and enhance what we do in our regular working lives. Just like the point of a vacation should be to enhance one’s life, not escape from it. The truth is, it’s all just... life. We get one life to live — work, home, vacation, rest, play, struggle, sleep. It’s all real life and it’s all happening right now. 

So this time I’m going to bring a little bit of my beach vacation back with me. I hope to bring the sun, for this has been a brutal winter, but that’s not what I’m talking about. One of the things I love about travel is the sense of being unreachable. I love the moment I get on a plane, turn off my phone, and know that no one can find me for the next several hours. While I can’t bring back the pina coladas or ocean sounds, I can bring back the experience of letting myself unplug, literally and figuratively.

We have a Jewish mechanism for this. It’s called Shabbat. The wisdom of Shabbat is taking time to rest each week. It’s a way of preventing burnout; there is a regular time to rejuvenate built right into the schedule. Many secular Jews mark Shabbat in some way, but most of us don’t completely unplug.

The Hebrew Bible reminds us to rest... that after the earth’s creation a day of rest was called for, there is a sabbatical year (shmita) to allow for rest, and there are rules about letting workers rest. Our tradition generally understands that productivity can only happen if rest can also happen. We know this, but we live in such a fast-paced culture, so very driven and obsessed by/with busy-ness, that it can be easy to forget. We need to rest; we need to unplug. Our smartphones and computers have made our working lives vastly more productive, but they have also blurred the boundaries between our working lives and our personal lives. Our times to rest are interrupted and sometimes eclipsed by email notifications and urgent calls/messages. 

I’d be lying if I said I was going to completely unplug from all media and technology every Shabbat for a whole Shabbat. I know that I wouldn’t like that — I enjoy speaking with friends, I use my phone to make plans, I love a good movie on a sleepy Sunday afternoon. I do intend to unplug a little more frequently and for a little longer than is my usual practice. I also have put my phone on silent mode as the default, shut off all notifications, and schedule in times to check email. But wait! There’s more!

I am hoping you will join me for a challenge. This comes to me from my fitness trainer (Oonagh Duncan, google her!), but I’m stealing it for us and repurposing it Jewish-style: try to avoid using your phone for one hour a day, one day a week, and one week a year. Think of it as your own Shabbat/Shmita (sabbatical). 

The hour a day could be the hour before bed (shown to improve sleep) or first thing in the morning (one of the indicators of cellphone addiction is whether you reach for it upon waking). The day a week could be  Shabbat or the “shabbat” of your choosing (a Wednesday weekly hiatus, perhaps). The week a year could very well be when you go on vacation. I think an amazing week to try would be around the Jewish high holidays, as we focus on introspection and goal-setting. 

Could you do it? To me it’s still aspirational. But I am committing to an hour a day, a day a week, and a week a year with no work emails, social media, or news.

If you are committing to the challenge, drop me a line. I’ll send you a funky and fun gift in the mail! It’s a “cellphone sleeping bag” from the Jewish organization Reboot. They host a national day of unplugging every year and sent me these cute little bits of swag when we ran the challenge last year. The sleeping bag is a great reminder to put away that phone and makes it less tempting to reach for it. It’s also a great reminder of why we do it: we should live our lives in such a way that we don’t need a retreat or a vacation to escape our reality. Our reality should have the elements of rest and retreat built right in.

This is the beach I was at. I shall channel beach-me. I shall unplug.